360Conversations: People talk on “Dating outside your spec”
21st October, 2019
21st October, 2019
Noun | /spek/
: Informal: Specification – qualities describing; a measure of performance; preference
The majority of us have a good idea about the qualities we desire when choosing a romantic partner. It is reasonably a combination of physical attributes, personality traits and emotional connections. It will always take way more than one aspect to make a good partner.
For the purpose of this discussion, we focus on the physical aspect, however. How important is physical attractiveness in the grand scheme of things and are relationships likely to do better, if partners are each other’s’ ‘spec’?
We asked some people, single and dating, “What are your thoughts on dating outside your spec?” - Here are their reports;
1. You can make it work, regardless.
Ah, this is embarrassing, but I’m not at all my boyfriend’s spec. We met at a youth camp and we connected over hobbies; sports, video games etcetera, but the whole time he was crushing on the girls half my size and would sometimes tell me we’d probably be dating if I lost some weight.
We went our separate ways and reconnected five years later and instantly became really involved. We have a son now. I know for sure that he still fancies the smaller sized women, but we’re together so that’s that, I guess.
2. Spec please!
When I met my boyfriend, I was almost only physically attracted to him at first. Everything else came after. I’ve been in other relationships where everything was good except that I couldn’t stand a pudgy belly or a short stature or other appendage. I’d probably sacrifice most things for a body I find yummy. Wouldn’t you?
3. There are definitely more important things
Being with your spec reduces your chances of chasing other girls since you already have what you really want although, people get greedy. To me, the physical isn’t the ultimate. The connection matters the most.
4. It’s not the most important, but it comes pretty close
If I had to rank top three attributes, I’d say physical attractiveness comes second after good behaviour. I want to be able to jump my man’s God-fearing bones. Hallelujah.
5. It’s easier to stay faithful
Ah. Let me not lie, I will cheat if he’s not my spec. Like be with him for all the good stuff, but with my side squeeze for the other good stuff. I really prioritize looks and could probably leave a perfectly good relationship for a yummy body.
6. I tried that once, and now I’m living happily ever after
For most of my dating life, I was into the statuesque. Slim thick, the whole works. I found myself in an endless loop of dating just body parts. I wasn’t really making any real progress in my love life and I definitely was not getting the kind of love I knew I deserved. I thought maybe if I’d expand my bracket a little bit? And then I met her. Kilograms lighter, bust sizes smaller, inches shorter but a thousand times more special than any of the other women I’d ever been with. Our first child is six now and I love her more each day than the last.
7. Nobody has it all.
I’m a hard lover and no one is perfect so I might make some concessions if there are other good values but physical attraction cannot be downplayed for me. It’s like 90% important to me.
8. Let’s all avoid trouble and stick to our preferences.
Before you end up with someone and continue to look for your spec while with them. Just like when guys say they like babes with big butts for instance, and go on to date ones with small butts and then start to pressure them to gain weight and make them feel bad. Just find your type in the first place. Respect yourself and date what you like.